Last night, when we couldn't find our kitten Disney, I sat in shock. How had we lost our 3 weeks-new-to-us 15 week old kitten? We searched every room. Lil asked us to tell her when we found him and don't worry about waking her. After half an hour or so, I noticed that she had shut her door. I felt like she was giving up and if she was, I was having a hard time maintaining hope.
Luke & I walked around the neighborhood, shaking a bag of cat food. We looked under cars. I sent emails to neighbors, warning them to look under their cars in the morning.
I was mentally & physically exhausted.
When Lil heard my alarm go off, she came upstairs with Disney in her arms. "Daddy left us a note!" When he was preparing to look for Disney before leaving for work, he saw Disney walking around by the big cats' food bowl. (It's very cute - Disney puts his paw in the bowl while he's eating.)
Still no idea where the heck he was hiding. Luke is thinking about putting a GPS on him. Which is ironic, because when I took him to the vet for his vaccine booster, the tech asked me about his microchip. And I scoffed and said to myself, "C'mon, it's a cat."
I held in my tears last night. As I have been doing for a while. I've been feeling like crying for a few weeks. I almost let loose last week after I presented at the Columbia Association meeting for Inner Arbor.
I feel sad. I feel lonely. I don't feel great physically. I felt angry. I am scared. So I cried. I could probably use a few more minutes.
But I cried and let it some of it out. And then the kitties & Luke & Lil made me laugh. Catharsis - it's OK. Once I say my problem or scream in pain, like stubbing my toe, I feel so much better. It's the trapping & the repression that really hurts me.