Saturday, August 30, 2008

Umm, hello...

Not exactly sure what I'm doing here...

In reading a couple of my friends' blogs, I've realized that I do want to start "taking notes" on my life. There are so many thoughts that occur to me and I probably should share them in the vein of catharsis.

So, me - I'm currently working for a large asset manager in Baltimore and working on my MBA at Maryland. Doing the online thing because I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter & a husband working toward partner at a CPA firm. I thought online would be somewhat easy, but it's really hard. Self-discipline is required and working with people through electronic communication is difficult. There's a lot of work - I'm glad though, because if there wasn't, I would feel cheapened.

My favorite thing to do is sleep. Although actually, my other favorite thing is hanging out at Iron Bridge Wine Co. To paraphrase the bumper sticker, my money & my daughter go to Iron Bridge. She's getting an education, right? Learning the right glass for Shiraz is important!

Luke & I love traveling - especially cruising on Royal Caribbean. We meet such wonderful people (mostly crew) and enjoy the freedom of cruise ships. I am a firm believer in the element of water as part of our lives...rocking & rolling on the high seas makes me so happy! Sharing it with friends & family is great too - Mom & Papa Bill join us often & share in the relaxation.

So, I'm 32 - 11 days away from being 33. I'm not doing well with growing older...I don't like the way my body's changing, I don't like that I don't have 2 children, I don't like dealing with the deaths of friends & family. I'm also having a little bit of trouble with the realization that my daughter, my pretty Lulu, is not really mine anymore. She is a social being, building her own relationships beyond me & Luke. I try to gather her in my arms when I can - she says, Mommy, why do you always want to hug me?

It's also because I want to show her my love. I'm not good at it - I am so selfish & I don't fully involve myself in her. Those moments when she says I want Daddy hurt so deeply. Those moments when she refuses to let me go when I drop her off at school break my heart in that sweet wonderful way that I cannot leave her. And there is something in my competitive brain that knows that only I can get that full belly laugh from her when we're being silly. So it's OK...

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